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Post by edwin on Mar 11, 2012 18:49:05 GMT
"Have you heard of the Officer in the Hussars?"
"He was so stupid that even the others noticed.
.....................................................................
Interview of a candidate for a cavalry regiment.
"What is the main function of cavalry in war?"
"Well, to bring style to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl."
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Post by northernraider1 on Mar 13, 2012 8:31:19 GMT
Very droll  Rodneys and Ruperts bring amusement and early demises to the common soldier. |
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Post by northernraider1 on Mar 13, 2012 8:34:39 GMT
We used to practise OFFICER talk in our unit, Memmy end Deddy earn thysands and thysands of pynds, and deddy offen drives rynd and rynd the ryndabite I was always telling my recruits to stop calling me Sir and to adress us by our ranks because we work for a living. On one of the UK based training exercises leading up to the big Exercise Lionheart we spotted some tankies in their Chieftains along with their mentally retarded offspring the RECCE troop in Scimitars, Silly arses started putting up bashas, including camp beds, portable showers, a BBQ, etc right in the spot where every exercise since 1918 MBTs always withdrew through. Tried to tell em but two younf Rodneys took offence with this common as muck Light Infantry Sergeant suggesting they move elsewhere ( I'm sure they though we wanted to nick their spot of turf) "Toodle off Sergeant thers a good chep" said one of these Charterhouse rejects I was going to try and explain to them but thought bugger it you can find out for yourselves. Sure enough dusk fell the tanks started galloping about doing tank things like knocking down newly built walls, squashing sheep and inevitably getting lost. Their armoured prams of the Recce troop shot off in the direction of Bellerby moor and left all their wonderful bashas, tends, sleeping kit, BBQs, much personal kit, an unattened Landy and Trailer etc. Dusk turned to night and the big boys decided to hide their tanks as they always did in exactly the same place ( and were always amazed when we oh so easily found them) and sure enough they went straight through the recce troops camp without slowing down. I dont think we stopped laughing till Tuesday, especially as some TA Paras "aquired" the landy and trailer. Another time in Canada my mate was on a life fire exercise on BATUS ( not the live fire words) When the dopes in tanks came galloping across the plains with their sleeping bags, webbing, rations etc in open mesh baskets on the OUTSIDE of the tanks. Apparently its rather funny watching a chieftain trying to hide itself not in a diesel produced smokescreen, but in a cloud of feathers spewing from very expensive eider down sleeping bags the Rodneys liked so much. My mate Terry chips in with a snippet from his RE days, he got a call to go and recover a Chieftain in a predicament, twas wedged solidly tween two large rocky outcroppings. If tanks are say 12 ft wide this ..... erm ..... gentleman had tried to get his tank through a gap 10 ft wide !!!. When asked by Terry and his recovery vehicle why did he drive a 12 ft wide tank through a 10 ft wide gap the Rodney replied " Well old chep when I reccied the route yesterday it was fine" he responded haughtily To which Terry asked " Yes Sir and in what vehicle did you do the recce in?" The company land rover was the reply!! followed by a look of sudden enlightenment in his eyes. Terry had great fun explaining the difference in width to the young oriface. |
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Post by northernraider1 on Mar 13, 2012 8:56:12 GMT
SANDHURST the place where they train people who failed to get a job with McDonalds how to spend lots of money, and get lots of professional soldiers killed in the shortest possible time.
I was always more afraid of an officer with and idea than I was the IRA.
Q What does it say on the muzzle of an officers personal issue firearms?
A Hold other end.
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Post by northernraider1 on Mar 13, 2012 9:08:57 GMT
Company Commander giving a pre exercise briefing to his troops
" Ok Lads how can we give ourselves the best chance of winning this exercise" he asked
from the back of the room a voice chirped " Send all the officers home"
" No really, what would you do if the Rusians invaded and you wanted the absolute best chance of survival?" the OC came back with
The same voice came back with " Shoot all our officers"
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Post by edwin on Mar 13, 2012 10:06:19 GMT
Not restricted to the army sadly. Working out new mobile library routes through an English county a senior manager did it all beautifully and even got the schedules worked out so all was ready to go to supply literature to the eager masses of little villages.
But, yes you've guessed it, he did the route finding in a car not a bl---y big mobile library. Oh how we laughed at the vision of fronts being carved off old cottages etc. Interesting reaction from very top management, "Discussion of this "excercise" will cease", much the same after a failed computer system's abortive launch.
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Post by northernraider1 on Mar 13, 2012 10:55:04 GMT
Even NASA must have some ex Brit army officers working for it, couple of years ago some genius worked out the distance from Earth to Mars for a probe, he measured it in Kilometers then passed the info to the US programmers who being yanks programmed the probe in MILES. The probe flew all the way to Mars and smacked head on straight into the planet !!!
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Post by edwin on Mar 13, 2012 12:10:00 GMT
Listening to Falmouth Coastguard can be instructive. A large cargo ship coming into Falmouth Bay got thoroughly confused and narrowly missed taking out a fishing net and possibly the boat as well. Confusion between yards, kilometres AND cables.
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Post by eqkm on Apr 21, 2019 2:18:54 GMT
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Post by ibagalayuw on Apr 26, 2019 0:07:31 GMT
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Post by igedunut on Apr 26, 2019 3:07:20 GMT
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Post by ozekupid on Jun 1, 2019 0:16:30 GMT
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Post by azojiqara on Jun 1, 2019 2:00:30 GMT
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Post by ChrisM on Jun 1, 2019 21:06:42 GMT
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Rodneys and Ruperts bring amusement and early demises to the common soldier.